Greetings, Citizens!

Posted by Sean “CF” Murphy, Republican

Hello, fellow citizens! Sean “CF” Murphy here, your Republican choice for President. Not much to say tonight other than to note that one of my opponents, a certain Ron Paul, has come out and attacked a Republican I happen to genuinely admire: honest Abe Lincoln. Yep, the guy whose campaign posters put the love in revolution has seen fit to go after the dude on the penny.

What’s up next, Ron? Challenging Alexander Hamilton to a duel? How about something a little more contemporary, like, say, calling Harry Truman out for his shoddy piano playing?

Obviously you’re a deeply troubled man, but there’s hope. Out of the goodness of my heart I’m going to make you the first recipient of my “hand of opportunity” offer. The tent I’m pitching is a big one, Mr. Paul, and there’s plenty of room for all types, even you. I’m willing to set our differences aside and accept you as my running mate. While you’re obviously not ready for the big leagues, I feel you’d make a more than adequate VP; in fact, your instinctual suspicion of all things outside our borders would make you the perfect representative at foreign state funerals. Whaddya say? The hand’s out–c’mon and take it while you can. You know you want to.
Sean “CF” Murphy

Murphy for President sign

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One Response

  1. Ron Paul isn’t a team player, you dont need him to win.

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