Sean “C.F.” Murphy

Standing Firm for America!

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Republican Sean “CF” Murphy is a cantankerous old coot trapped in a young man’s body. He knows there are many problems facing America–and he wants to do something about them. He’s tired of the fat cats and the corporations running the show and believes that the time has come for change. People should be running the country, not politicians. And that’s why he wants to know what you think.

His message to America:

My GOP opponents have already staked out their territory – McCain’s a maverick, Huckabee’s a God-fearing dieter, and Ron Paul hates black people but I’m the one candidate that’s man enough to look you in the good eye and say, “I don’t know.” These are some incredibly sensitive issues and I’d hate to risk alienating voters by answering them incorrectly.

Abortion? I don’t know. Immigration? Beats me. Kyoto? Where is it? This is where you come in. I want you Citizens, I need you to tell me where I stand on these things. My administration will be for the people, of the people, but most importantly by the people. Once I get in office I’ll be expecting you to do most of the work anyway so why not start now? I urge you to contact me as soon as possible and tell me where I should stand on any issues you can think of. Whatever the majority of you decide is where I will end up taking my firm stand…for now.

Thank you Citizens and thank you America.

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17 Responses

  1. Sean “Cosmic Farsightedness” Murphy is beholden to no special interest group. I know, because I’ve tried, over plates of enchiladas, to swing him to my point of view (located roughly midway between Doctress Neutopia and Barry Goldwater) on a variety of issues such as the morality of wearing fur, expanding Glen Canyon Dam, eliminating taxes of all kinds and moving the nation’s capitol to Sedona. Murphy, rock that he is, would not budge from his positions, wrong as they are, and you’ve got to admire him for remaining true to his principles even when his campaign war chest contains less than a migrant worker’s average daily earnings and a few bus tokens.

  2. Dear Sean “Constructive Fearlessness” Murphy:
    I wonder where you stand on America’s energy policy (or lack thereof)? This is the most crucial issue facing our nation today (next to the flagrant disregard for proper pet licensing) and if you want my vote, you need to spell out in no uncertain terms where you stand on America’s energy independence (and on pet licensing). Let’s objectively frame the issue: do you favor drilling in ANWR, off the coasts of Florida, California and Rhode Island and in my uncle’s oily scalp; do you support leveling the Rocky Mountains to liberate the oil trapped in all that useless shale; do you condone strip-mining all of West Virginia and putting all the hillbillies to work in the mines so the rest of us can enjoy the soothing glow of electric light of our HD plasma screens; and do you believe that tax breaks for Big Oil will ensure America retains its number one position in energy consumption and consequently, its number one position in global happiness? Or do you want us to go back to the Stone Age and eat twigs and rocks and wrap ourselves in coyote fur to stay warm? America awaits your answer, sir, and I for one expect you to Stand Frim.

  3. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been questioned about the “CF”. What’s the CF about?
    Top guesses:

    “Cantankerous F*ck”

    “Crazy F*ck”

    “Circus Freak”

    “Certified Fool”

    Yeah, sorry Mr. Murphy, I haven’t heard a positive on yet. But, like Rudy G. says, they hate you when you’re winning!

  4. That clip of Doctress Neutopia–to my surprise–really won me over. She’s a natural! I love her whole Isadora-Duncan-of-the-desert thing. CF Murphy is going to need more than a two-crust pie from Albertson’s to plug her flag hole.

  5. Sean Murphy is the tall, dark-patched and handsome man who makes me want to switch parties and start baking pies just to put him in the White House. He is a fearless promoter of this country and her ideals, knows how to win a woman over (the apron) and wears a mean bolo tie. As soon as he discusses how important the Minutemen are to fashion and advises them on apparel, he will be in this thing. I’m telling all of my farsighted Republican friends to find his name on the ballot and color him in. I know he’s got his eye on the prize and I’ll be at Republican headquarters Feb. 5 to celebrate his victory. Onward warriors and citizens.

  6. Mr. Sean CF Murphy,

    Please send me your mailing address. We met at the Saturday Morning Breakfast Club in Tucson yesterday. I received a booklet from the Goldwater Institute today about 100 Ideas regarding liberty and government. I would like to mail this to you.

    Thank you,
    Marshall Home

  7. I sense a groundswell of support, a rising tide of momentum, a tsunami of tiramisu that will carry Sean “Corrective Force” Murphy to la Casa Blanca. Murphy, despite his lack of depth perception, clearly sees the issues at stake for Ma and Pa Kettle and cares not a whit for the special interest groups who have repeatedly tried to seduce him with promises of weekly Krispy Kreme deliveries, gift certificates at Borders and free lube jobs. You know who you are but Murphy is the only incorruptible candidate on the slate.

  8. I’ve watched Sean “Concupiscent Freemasonry” Murphy’s videos and believe his question as to whether we would rather vote for Romney or Hitler strikes to the core of the choices facing voters today. Like Lincoln, Churchill and Pol Pot, Murphy is a rock in a sea of doubt. We know Hitler had a long list of capable vice-dictators from which to choose, but who will be Romney’s running mate? Given Murphy’s skills, he could do both jobs: president and vice president, and could probably handle Secretary of the Interior at the same time.

  9. Mr. Murphy,

    I don’t really care what you do with your campaign. Just stop reading off cue-cards, and put a little bit more effort into your commercials. That’s all.

  10. Thank God for this man! Now that Fred Thompson is out of the race and Ron Paul doesn’t have a chance, I can finally cast my vote for someone who isn’t a “lesser evil”.

    The people will speak, and the words on their lips will be “Murphy.”

    God bless America and Sean Murphy!

  11. You have got to be kidding me.

    Some of you are entertaining this…

    Why dont you put up the $5000 and run yourself…

    Better yet, why dont you go outside and play hide and go F>cK yourself…?

  12. thought i would leave my two cents…since that is apparently all it takes to run for President in AZ…

  13. Our man “CF” was obviously too busy swindling starry-eyed youngsters and destitute widows out of their books, records, CD’s, DVD’s and magazines for mere pennies on the dollar to attend last Wednesday’s televised debate. Now that’s my kind of candidate! He’s like Cheney–minus the sentimentality and compassion.

    Vote CF!!!!

  14. Murphy is a working class man like the rest of us poor fools and even if he is swindling youngsters and widows he’s doing it for a good cause, to give them back to us dirt cheap! Long live “CF”!!!

  15. You have a stalwart friend in Arizona…with a friend like that, you’ll never feel like an election loser…I’d be curious to see how you’d fare in a caucus state! Best of luck.

  16. You have not a clue. Ron paul hates no man or women or child. That is a propaganda smear. Individual freedom has no race. You just hurt your fellow Americans by spewing filth about the only man who is trying to wake up our country before its to late. I think you are more in line with Hitler. You joke and trick as I watch our country fall to her knees. Shame on you and anyone that buys into your lies. Ron Paul is the last hope to avoid catastrophic failure and complete loss of freedom.. Hope the IRS visits you.

  17. Living in a country that lacks any kind of elected or representative government, I would rather take my chances with Sean “Corrupted Foghat” Murphy than with generations of the despotic ruling family, and by this I refer to the Windsors and the Hanovers. Stand firm or get run over by the royal coach.

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